Please take my pain,
I want to feel some joy.
Please take my fears,
I want to see life as it is.
Please be there for me,
I want to feel comfort.
These sound like good requests, even good prayers, and they would have been if they were offered to the God of Heave. These sound like fair cries to give to some friend, and would have been if I would have had friends to call upon. Yet, these pleas and others like them were what I asked my only friend, Alcohol, to do for me. To ask and hope that an object could do something for me that has no power sounds very futile, doesn't it?
To me though, it sounds like idolatry. I was taking the power away from the one who could something great and wonderful for me and giving it to something has nothing. While there was no shrine, no alter, nor sacrifices alcohol had still become my god. The one true God had no real place in my heart. The intoxicating power that alcohol had replaced the power God had to give me: peace, joy and comfort.
My world was completely upside down. My sanctuary had become the bar. The others at he bar had become my community, yet no true relationships were formed. If troubles arose I could not call on them for help of any kind. If joy came, they were not truly there to celebrate with me, they were only there for the drink. They were there to participate with the same god as I: alcohol.
This god gave me no strength to face the trials of life; only a way to run and hide. In the same turn it was only another drink raised in the air to give thanks for any success if it ever came to me. There was nothing there to help me grow in any spiritual or emotional capacity. It kept me in the same place I had always ben at, if not bringing me further down and becoming less of a functioning individual in society.
Not having a true god or a true community it made it impossible for me to cope with financial problems, marriage/relationship problems, or the loss of family. I only knew how to drink and drown all of the things in my life. Hoping with a false hope that things would get better or just go away. Yet, they never did, in fact they usually became worse or were intensified, however, I kept turning to it. This was truly living an insane life.
I am happy to say that I have finally broken free of the grasp of the god of alcohol and started anew journey of finding the one true God. My understanding of Him is constantly maturing and changing as I journey with Him, and it has led me to the conclusion that I can never fully understand Him, but I can learn and grown daily. Some days that is a scary thought, and other days it brings comfort, but in the end I don't want to ever loose the feel of His hand on mine.