I Could Not Save Myself

I don't know where the idea that my life should be easy, or at least, not have to have huge battles and struggles came from, but I know that it appeared at some point.  Yet here I am today to say that there has been alcoholism, depression, and other such things that have made life difficult.  Trying to find the way to survive these things was a task that took so much out of me, that just to function in life took everything within me.  To say there was life in my life would be a great overstatement, I was merely surviving, there was no living.  This survival tok all the inner power and strength I had. 

Strength in self and relying upon one's own will power sounds good in theory, but it shuts everything else out.  It says I am able to do it without asking for help or assistance.  It says that I am greater than anything or anyone else, and that they would be unable to help me.  With this type of survival it begins to close off the world and makes one think they are greater and mightier than the world around them.  It is a lie and rationalization told that stunts any spiritual growth. 

In truth, I think part of this thinking comes from the fact that we are told that we will not be giving anything greater than we can handle.  (I Cor. 10:13)  However, upon closer evaluation upon this, I have come to believe that it is not greater than we can handle, but that we will be given a way to escape.  This leads me to believe that God is not going to put us in a situation where we cannot find Him and look to Him to be able to get out of the temptation.  It as tells me that no matter how much I want to believe that I am strong, I am truly weak and that I need God to find escape and strength. 

If, the statement is true that God will not give me more than I can handle, then the way that I was living my life was wrong because I was not living or winning.  I was merely surviving and barely getting by, so, something was not right. The conclusion came to me that either the statement had it wrong or my thoughts and ways of living were wrong or perhaps even bother were wrong and there could be a better way.

If God is willing to give me strength and a new sight on a situation to let me escape then reliance upon Him makes sense to me.  To say that I lived my life my way and found a way out of the alcoholism (or any other trouble) without the help of God then I have made myself stronger than God, and in the end do not need Him.  If I looked to Him for the answer and guidance to gain freedom then He stronger than I am and I truly do need Him. 

To think upon this seems to say that I fell victim to my own weakness in the flesh when I permitted myself to start drinking. Had my spiritual life been stronger I could have found a way to avoid that first drink and would have never become a drunk. Obviously, I took that first drink and became an alcoholic. To consider how my life would have been if there would have been a search for God and the strength to say "no" to that first drink, many things could have turned out differently.  

Yet, these thoughts are not healthy, but I can say that it was the power God has to help us out of sin and temptation is what gave me the strength to break free of the addiction.  It was not something deep inside that save me from myself, but the power I had access to in Him.  I am not able to say that that I saved myself from the drink, but it was God that saved me.  There was not, and never could be, enough within me, my spouse, friends, or family that could save me, but the power of God alone. 

It is a challenge to let go and let God take control.  It does not seem to be in our nature to easily ask for help, especially from a God that we cannot see.  There are many things within the world that tells us that we need to do things on our own, yet the twist it seems is that we can do so much more with the power of God. It still does not appeal to me to ask for help, but at least these days I can see what it can do, and I can start to ease up on myself when it comes to controlling all things.