Something so short, yet so long.
So many of these have passed by, unnoticed. Each in and of themselves not of any major significance, yet added up over a day, a week, a month, or even a year and things seemed to be important. Being an alcoholic, I have learned the importance and power of the moment. It is in each moment that can make or break you.
In a moment I can be looking at life and see the alcohol. I see the enjoyment, I see the pleasure I see the excitement!
In a moment I can be looking at life and see the alcohol. I see the pain, I see the suffering, I see the despair.
It is all in how I handle those moments. I can find myself falling to pieces, or I can find myself gaining new strength. Yet, in it all neither one is truly within my own power, it is in what I turn my life over at that point in time. I can turn it over to the god of alcohol or I can turn it over to the God of Heaven. I can let my physical yearnings to take control of my life, or I can let the spiritual side of things take control. Each moment I have that choice. Each moment that the addiction wants to take over I can find myself fighting with so many things that would let me let go of what I know will give me strength and turn it over to the short term pleasure of the escape in alcohol.
In a moment, I can truly say the Serenity Prayer to God at least six times. It is a simple prayer, because it is at these times that I do not have the ability to do anything more than something simple. My mind is ready to find any reason to go back to the bottle, and if I try to overwhelm myself with something complex I know I will be lost. To get lost in a moment is the idea, but not get lost in the alcohol, but get lost in God. To get lost in the conversation of being honest that I cannot do it alone, and that I need Him to hold to my hand even more tightly, because I am not sure how much longer I can keep my hand around His.
There is no real way that I can express the power when addiction wants to take my life over. Nothing else matters. My mind cannot focus on anything else. It takes all purposeful thought to make sure that I handle this moment in the way that will keep my sober and not fall victim to the bottle again. It is not a minor thing, but it is only a moment, and we all know how quickly those can pass and life goes back to normal.
It is in these moments that I want to tell myself:
You Are Weak!
You Are Doomed to Fail!
Why Even Try?
It is a battle that is within myself. Most days I go through this battle without people noticing something is going on. I have learned how to live with my life realizing that there is always going to be some trigger to remind of alcohol used to offer me before things went bad. Then there are days that the battle is pushed out and it takes it's toll on others as well as myself. Thankfully, they are only moments these days and they are not turning into hours or days of suffering. Perhaps one day they will even become less than they are now, and perhaps they won't, but I know that I can survive.
Sixty seconds can change your life. The power of prayer, the power of knowledge, the power of faith can make all the difference if the change is going to be good or bad. Each moment is yours. What are you going to do with yours? For me, I will do my best to trust God and stay sober.
He has shown you, O mortal, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.